I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
