im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
