I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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