1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
