I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
