so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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