he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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