Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if only i could text you this smell
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
