I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't deserve a penis
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
