Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
