You're my little dorito
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
