I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
