just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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