3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
