her facebook's as public as her vagina
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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