just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Everyone says I win the strip club
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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