Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
