God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
