was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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