Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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