yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
