puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
