I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
