3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
