when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
