wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
