Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
