she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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