wanna go halves on a baby?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
