therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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