just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
