My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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