i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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