I'm lost and stupid without you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
