i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
