No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
