Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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