Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
