if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
