the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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