i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
