oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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