some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
