I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
