he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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