Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
