lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
