omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
