Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
