I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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