WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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