Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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